Her Suicide Wasn’t My Fault!
Have you ever been so hurt by people’s cruel words and gossip that you wanted to disappear? I have! I really have! I remember when I was seventeen, and my mom had just died from suicide. I remember when I had to move in with my Dad and stepmom. I remember begging them to let me finish eleventh grade at Butler Senior High school. You see, I felt like I’d been through enough change and couldn’t bear the thought of not finishing out the year with my friends. I thought I’d be better off with them instead of transferring to Moniteau high school. Boy, was I wrong! The rumor mill was in full force the rest of that year for me. Just about everyone was talking about me. Even people that I considered my friends had something to say. None of the rumors were kind. They were all about why they thought my mom took her life. Some people even went as far as to say that it was my fault. That I was in some way to blame for her death.
As a young impressionable seventeen-year-old who had just suffered a gut-wrenching loss, I believed the rumors for many years. I gave in to the lies of them. I believed what the devil was dishing out for me. It wasn’t until I was older that I could see and believe that I was wrong in my thinking. I wasn’t to blame for her death. She made a choice. I had a choice to make too. I didn’t have to believe the rumors. You don’t have to believe the rumors that people have said about you either. Don’t feed into the devil’s lies. Choose to rise above them.
We all have choices; we can cling to something even when we know that it’s hurting us, or we can let it go. We can cast it out. How do we do this? The only real true way is with the help of the Lord. We can ask him to take away the shame and the guilt that rumors can afflict us with. We can take brave steps towards being willing and able to cry out to Him in our times of need. Psalm 17:6 “I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline your ear to me; hear my words.” Don’t be afraid to call out to him. He hears you. He sees you. He loves you, and he is listening to you.
Remember that the devil is sneaky and crafty. He would like nothing more than to destroy you. 1st Peter 5:8 “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” The devil wants you to feel depleted and defeated. Don’t let him win! He is a joy killer. He wants to suck the joy and the life right out of you. He is the worst thief you will ever encounter. John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Jesus came so that this lost and dying world would have hope.
Don’t feel stuck in a sea of vicious gossip and rumors if cruel words are beating you down, dust off your Bible and see what the Father has to say about you. See how much he loves. Start believing that he is always with you and that he will never leave your side. Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Don’t stay stuck in fear of the devil’s lies. Choose truth! Choose the Father’s love, wisdom, and guidance. Hebrews 13:6 “So we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me”? Is the Lord, your helper? Are you able to cry out to Him in your time of need? I hope and pray that you are. Yes, the word’s hurt, but with his help, you can learn how to rise above them. Stop letting hurtful words cripple you.
Father help us forgive the ones that hurt us. The ones that talk about us behind our backs and to our faces. Remind us of all the times that you forgave us for our many sins. Remind us that unforgiveness in our hearts leads us down the pathway to anger, bitterness, and resentment. Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Be kind even when it’s hard. Instead of getting even and acting in anger towards the ones that hurt, you choose to show love instead. Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Ask the Father to help you forgive. When praying, ask him to give you the strength and the courage to let go and let God.
Father help us avoid the temptations of gossip and malicious talk. Remind us of all of the times that words and rumors have hurt us. Be in our hearts. Control the words we think and say. Would you please remind me of how powerful words are? Let us be a source of love and not hate. Father gossip is such a toxic thing. You might start out telling just one person a rumor. Then that person also decides to tell someone the rumor that you told them. Before you know it, everyone in your community is talking about the rumor you heard and decided to spread it. You have caused a wildfire of gossip. You never took a moment to consider the consequences of your actions. Now lies are being whispered everywhere. The person that the rumors are about is getting hurt. If only you had stopped and thought about their feelings, maybe things would have been different. If only you had asked what Jesus would do with this information? 1st Peter 2:21 “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.” Yes, my friends, we will suffer in life. We will get hurt time and time again. That doesn’t mean that we have to hurt other’s back. We can press the pause button and ask Jesus, is this loving? Jesus is this kind? Jesus, is this true? If the answers are no, then choose to walk away. Choose not to listen or participate.
You see, my friends, we hear things all the time that are hurtful, malicious, and terribly unkind. We have a choice we can choose to spread the rumors, toxicity, and drama around, or we can take ourselves out of the situation. Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” My friends, we can say this is not Godly talk. We can say that we aren’t going to take part in this. We can choose to walk away from these situations. Word’s hurt; they really do. Whoever said that words don’t hurt wasn’t being truthful at all. Words can wound the heart. Words can be crushing. Words can be so offensive and abusive. Words can breathe such hate and evilness. Father, I don’t want to breathe out hate. I don’t want hate ever to escape my lips. I’ve experienced hate. I’ve felt the bitter sting of it. I would never want anyone else to feel like that. I only want people to feel good things from me. I only want people to feel your love and your truth shining through me. Amen. If you just prayed that prayer asking the Father to help you let me congratulate you. I’m proud of you for making healthy choices.
Father temptations are all around us each day. Choices are all around us too. We can choose to be with the in-crowd and do what the in-crowd does. We can spread rumors and lies as quickly as we can. Or we can be with his crowd. We can stand with Jesus. We can stand on your words. Your words are about truth and love. Your words don’t promote lies or gossip. John 15:12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
We can spread love, or we can spread hate. What will you choose to spread today?
Author: Nadia M. Walker
Editor: JJ Michael Smith
God bless,
igotasavior
